Romans 7:15 [from the Message]

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.

I find myself at odds over myself. My heart of hearts is to seek Him and know Him. To have His words written on my heart. Why is it then that I find myself making bad decisions? After all, when you get right down to the nitty gritty, where the rubber meets the road kind of thing...isn't that what life is all about? Decisions?

I don't know about you, but there is a split second when in my mind there is a fork in the road where I have to make a decision over following what is pleasing to Him or what is pleasing to me. One might think that since we are born into sin and continue to have a sinful nature, though we are made holy by His blood, it would be okay to make bad decisions here and there. If that's the case, then why immediately after I make the bad decision and allow myself to see, hear, do or say that which is not pleasing to Him do I feel guilty and unworthy?

So how do I change this pattern of behavior? I have to pray. I have to read my Bible. I have to make the decision to do both of those things. As I do that and become closer in my relationship with God, then these "decisions" will decrease as I will be walking in the Spirit all the while being conformed to His likeness will increase. Instead of me being dependant upon me, I will become dependant upon Him. For He is my rock, my salvation, my redeemer and for that reason I am unashamed in my love for Him.

Ten Shekel Shirt has written a song that I heard in church two weeks ago for the first time. Here are the lyrics:

Ten Shekel Shirt
Album: much
Song: Unashamed Love
Listen: mp3

You're calling me to lay aside
The worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
And find a hiding place

Worthy, You are worthy

I open my heart and let my
Spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a
Song of praise come forth

Worthy, You are worthy

Of a childlike faith and
Of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of a holy life and of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love

Lord, may my love be unashamed. May I walk in your way and may I submit to your calling...